my best.

They're my best. They're my help when I can't walk. My please hit this last cup. My hurry I have to pee now. My let's go the ex is here. My sleepover buddies. My jump in bed the next morning for details. They piece together my nights. My spies. My late-night girls. My stay out a little longer just to drink a little more. The ones who were there through the boys, the drama, the tears, and the laughs. The girls who are there through it all.

...and recently, they haven't been living up to it.

I love my school girls, but sometimes they get so caught up in themselves that they just aren't there they way I need them to be. I mean yeah, I'm all about going out and having fun, but some days I just need a hug...and I can't find them.

hugs.

4 hugs per day for survival.

8 hugs per day for maintenance.

12 hugs per day for growth.

a drinking day

between Wil ending things, Mark telling me I couldn't visit (basically because he would get his balls cut off), and Sara telling me she was done with me (done with caring and trying as a friend)...today has become a drinking day. I feel like complete shit, but liquor is helping me cry it off, and numb some of the stupid pain I shouldn't pay attention to.

In honor of today, A Drinking Day...if something has got you down, have a drink...and vow to wake up tomorrow with a more positive outlook on your day ahead, and life. You have one evening to drink it off, and that's it. But you are a more level-headed person...DON'T follow in my footsteps..

love you all,
E.

Your face it dances and it haunts me
Your laughter's still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even after all these years
But I don't want you thinking I don't get asked to dinner
'Cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do
Even though I may soon feel the touch of love
I just don't think I'll ever get over you...



I've been having the most unrealistic dreams recently...and when I wake up and realize they can't come true...let's just say, it's not a good way to start the day.
and I'm not handling it well..I don't want to sleep because my dreams make me happier than real life right now. and it's so pathetic. I'm so pathetic.

I HATE when people accuse me of "not talking to them" or whatever for long periods of time when they didn't make any effort to talk to me. A friendship is a two way street! It is not one person's responsibility to keep a friendship together. What bothers me is when I am held 100% accountable. I have many friends with whom I am not consistently in contact with, but we both understand that we have busy lives. It doesn't mean I don't think about them, or don't care about them, but distant relationships are hard. But for some people, having a busy life is not justifiable for not upholding a relationship...on my end.

I feel like I appologize to some people more than we spend time together, and it really hurts my feelings. I get frustrated when friends from high school put up away messages that tell me how they are feeling, instead of just calling.....a month later. and then I get blamed for the past month. It is so hard to hear, every time. I try SO hard to be a good friend...I always have. I've hoped that it's something that people will remember. but I can't count the times I've been told how horrible a friend/person I am..and it pulls on my heart every time.

I needed to just get this out there, because it's something that I don't talk about too much. But I'm done for now, it's been a long day.

unbelievable.

I am completely shocked & frustrated. How is it that the nicest guy (first described to me as "a catch and a half") is turning out to be the complete opposite? How is this happening and where has my guard been? I don't know whether to be upset with myself for letting my guard down, or upset at him for being a jerk.

But I get to see my CODE 521 ladies tomorrow, so that will hopefully pick me up a bit.

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places. "
-Ernest Hemingway