"I still find each day too short
For all the thoughts I want to think,
All the walks I want to take,
All the books I want to read,
And all the friends I want to see."
John Burroughs

I want to be somebody who can face all the things I've been running from..

"Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations."



I guess I should lower my expectations....

"It is not how much you do, but how much love you put in the doing."

getting through today

I found this in the book I was reading today at work...let me dream for a minute, and made the rest of the day a little easier. Just thought I would share it...

When I have a house...as I sometime may
I'll suit my fancy in every way.
I'll fill it with things that have caught my eye
in drifting from Europe to Molokai...

My house will stand on the side of a hill
by a slow, broad river, deep and still,
with a tall lone pine on guard nearby
where the birds can sing and the storm winds cry.


--In Search of Eden.

thoughts

So, I've been having some thoughts lately...for those people who know me well, they know that I don't like change. Especially not when it involves something really close to me, something I care about. Well recently, for me, I've felt that the dynamics of a lot of friendships are changing. I've had to confide in my friends at school in a way I never had to (and never really wanted to) before. My closest friends are the people who I really feel comfortable confiding in, they are the ones who I trust the most and who I feel safe with. I know that no matter what I say, they won't love me any less or look at me any differently. well, at least that's what I used to believe.
I'm starting to find that I don't think I can have it all. Great grades, a decent job, a comfortable relationship with my friends at school, and to be there for the best friends at home the way they expect me to. It's interesting that a lot of my posts on here are about things going on with friends, but I think it's because it's what affects me the most. When I'm having issues (or think I'm having issues) with friends, I can get myself into trouble if I don't get out of my head. Relationships are a two-way street..and I don't know if I'm not holding up my end of the bargain, or if other people are finding someone else to go to instead. Either way, I'm having a hard time trying not to blame myself for what has changed.
But how do I turn things back? It's not like I've got a ton of time on my hands, or the resources to be back and forth from PA..well not anymore. This was supposed to be my year....to really turn things around..and I'm not doing it right.

I miss the millpond. and gogo boots. and gps directions. and I miss the days when I never hesitated for a second to pick up my phone and call or text the people I love to tell them that. so they knew I was thinking about them..

memories

" I hoard all these letters like treasure. One day I hope to fasten them end to end in a half-mile streamer, to float in the wind like a banner raised to the glory of friendship.
It will keep the vultures at bay. "

- Jean-Dominique Bauby
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.